Blue Moon
by snarkysweetness
Summary: A person never wants what’s right in front of them until there’s a possibility of it no longer being theirs anymore.


**Title: **Blue Moon**  
Author: **snarkysweetness**  
Characters/Pairings: **Remus, Tonks, Bill;Remus/Tonks, past Tonks/Bill**  
Rating: **NC-17 **  
Warnings: **Rough wall sex, m'kay? Quick and dirty, people!**  
When: **HBP time, lots of Molly trying to get Bill away from Fleur by throwing him in Tonks' direction, Remus breaking her heart, etc. **  
Summary:** A person never wants what's right in front of them until there's a possibility of it no longer being theirs anymore. **  
Disclaimer: **Jo owns.I play. **  
Author's Note: **This was written for week #04 of hp_smutday with the prompt 'Covet' and in celebration of Remus Lupin's 50th birthday which is today. Or would be if JK Rowling wasn't an evil bitch. And muchos gracias to my beta, tangograce.

Tonks' hand had lingered on his arm for too long. The looks that they shared were too intimate. The way that they laughed was too familiar. And in her eyes he could see some doubt.

Had she made the wrong choice in leaving him? Did she really love Remus enough to keep going for him? Did she still love Bill? Was it too late?

His stomach clenched in jealously. He had no right to feel this way, he'd done nothing but push her away, but some part of him assumed that she'd always be waiting for him. He wasn't sure if he hated himself more for thinking that of he or for wanting it.

"I should go. This was nice, I've missed you. And congratulations. The French crumpet seems…well, Molly will get used to her," she teased.

Bill shook his head and looked down, hair covering his eyes. Tonks reached out to push it back, out of habit, but stopped herself.

"I'm sure she will and ignore mum, will you? She's just-"

"Intrusive?"

Bill laughed. "Something like that."

Tonks smiled. "I should be going anyway. You know how Moody is."

"Constant something, right?

Tonks laughed, something Remus hadn't seen in a long time. "Right. Something." She shook her head and stood on her tiptoes, kissing Bill's cheek. "Bye, Bill."

Bill caught her wrist and pulled her close, whispering something in her ear, which caused her to give him a 'look'. Remus knew that look. It was the 'don't mention Remus' look. Even though they were speaking about him, he was still annoyed that Bill was touching her. What if something happened and they ended up together and Remus lost her forever? What would he do then?

He wanted nothing more in this world than to be with her, but he was too stubborn to allow himself to be happy. He was an old, dangerous wolf; he didn't deserve anyone, let alone someone as young and vibrant as she was. Even if she had been lacking in it lately.

Tonks watched Bill go back into The Burrow and then her eyes found Remus. "You know, leering at me during dinner is one thing, but spying on me from the shadows?" She shook her head. "Goodnight, Remus."

She turned, stumbled, caught her footing, and then resumed with her walking off in annoyance, her cheeks now red from embarrassment. He watched her with a resigned sigh.

He was a dirty old man.

"Also-I'm moving on," she announced, her voice coming from somewhere near the shed. "Waiting around for you is sad and pathetic and I'm too good for it. You had your chances and you blew them, Remus. Enjoy being alone for the rest of your miserable life, it's what you want."

Ouch. That stung.

But what hurt more was picturing her with someone else, so much so that something in Remus snapped. He was going to die alone if he didn't go after her. She wanted him to chase her, to man up, and if he didn't, then it really would be done.

He was an idiot, but even he knew her well enough to know what that tone in her voice meant.

So he ran. Well, jogged. He was too old and beaten down to accomplish a proper run, but he found her, staring up at the sky, her arms crossed over her chest. Remus caught his breath for a moment, cursing his disease. A man his age should be healthier, he wondered if he could even get it up anymore, but he was going to try.

"Remus, I told you-"

"Shut up." He pounced, quite literally, pushing her against Arthur's work shed, his lips crushing hers. He couldn't lose her, even if they couldn't be together, he couldn't lose her. He refused. Remus loved her, despite all of his protests. All he wanted was to keep her safe, surely, she'd see that someday.

This was wrong, very, very wrong, but his fingers still found their way up her short skirt. She may have been reduced to a downtrodden mess because of him, but her quirky fashion sense had yet to change. Today it was a plaid skirt with a knit sweater, and boots with chains. A bit odd, but convenient now.

"Remus-"

He bit her lip to keep her from speaking. No talking, if they talked he would lose his nerve; instead he ignored the voice in his head and ripped her panties in two before tossing them aside. His fingers pressed into her as he let his senses take hold. He took in everything; her scent, the feeling of her body beneath him, and the rhythm of her breathing.

Remus held her there in place, waiting for his body to catch up to his brain.

Tonks stared back at him. It was like one of those moments, when neither one of you could speak, so you just sat there, and the silence was so thick you could choke on it, but you couldn't break it for fear that something worse would happen. If either of them broke it, it would be over, and neither of them wanted it to be over. But then again, this was Tonks and silence was not something that she did well.

"Remus, I-"

He cut her off by thrusting into her. There was nothing romantic about it; he just wanted to have her, to give her a reason to stay, to keep putting up with his crap. And because it felt good; she felt like the sweet taste of sin. And if he was going to hell anyway, he was going there with a purpose.

Tonks' lips were back on his, her fingers pressing into his shoulders, one leg thrust over his hip. Remus pounded into her with no thought. He didn't bother with touching her or with making this last, he'd find time to do this properly, someday.

Speeding up, Remus poured his frustrations with himself into her. He was being rough now and she'd have bruises in the morning, but Tonks didn't care. She'd wear them as a reminder and Remus would feel is guilt later.

One thrust. Two. The pressure was building and he knew he'd soon be done. Three. Four. The counting wasn't helping. He came to quickly, spent and regretful. He hadn't even been able to make her finish. He was a failure.

"It's okay," Tonks whispered after a long moment, pulling him against her, holding him. "Next time."

The problem was, now that it was all over and done with, Remus wasn't sure that next time would come. As great as sinning was, there was always guilt, and now he wished that he'd let her go. She'd be better without him, better with someone like Bill, but he was too selfish to let her go.

"Next time," he promised, unsure if he could fulfill it.


End file.
